The Final Word is an independent sports opinion desk committed to decisive analysis, confident conclusions, and never checking whether a take has aged well.
Our writers cover the major leagues, the global game, and the rapidly professionalizing world of corgi racing.
And now the unfunny paragraph: The Final Word is satire. Every article is fiction and every writer is invented. When we quote a real athlete, coach, or organization, we made it up. No statistic, injury report, transaction, or quotation on this site should be treated as fact, repeated as news, or used to settle an argument you were losing anyway.